My name is Stephanie, and I want to tell you about a woman that I used to know, a woman that I knew very well. She grew up in a loving and caring home, but at some point in her childhood, she started to feel “less than” or not good enough. She always felt like she was stuck in her older brother’s shadow. She loved her brother very much. In fact, she looked up to him. He was smart, funny, popular, good-looking, and just a fun person to be around…all characteristics that we would like to possess. You see, my friend was a very quiet and shy child. She struggled in school (mostly in math). She also struggled with her self-confidence. As she got older, things didn't seem to change. In fact they got worse. She had ups and downs….highs and lows…good times and bad, but the bottom line was that she never really loved herself. She always knew that she was loved, but deep down she sometimes felt ignored…like she didn't matter…as if life could go on just fine without her. Maybe it was because of the low self-esteem and low self-confidence, but the reason wasn't really important…what was important is that she felt this way. Something inside of her was lacking.
As she grew into a teenager, things started to change. When, she was 16, her grandfather died and she became depressed. She no longer had a passion for dancing (which she had loved since she was 5 years old). She was no longer interested in swimming. She started to feed her pain with food. She would hide food in her bedroom. She would sneak food from the kitchen to her bedroom (which was not allowed). Her self-esteem and self-confidence continued to plummet because of being teased and bullied in school. She wanted the pain to go away, but she never talked about it to anybody. She just remained shy and quiet.
When she was 19, she went away to college. She tried to change her habits. You know the ones…eating for comfort or eating because you are bored, sad, lonely, happy, or excited. She wanted to make some changes, but she was so ashamed of how bad things had gotten, that she hid in her dorm room when she wasn't in class. Time after time, she vowed to make changes…eat better, exercise, and take better care of herself. Time after time she would fail; because the self-doubt would kick in…reminding her that she would never be good enough. Until one day, at 36 years old, she found herself single, alone, unhappy, and depressed…topping the scales at 315 pounds.
You are probably wondering how I met this woman and how I know her so well. The truth is, I used to be that woman, but everything changed for me on April 6, 2013. I was aware that my life was in need of some major changes, but I didn’t know where to start. My best friend, Caroline, asked me to join her for the “Move It and Lose It Buddy Challenge” with Personal Trainer, April Hartsook. This wasn't going to be easy, but I knew there were many years of self-hate to repair. The reality of it all, if change didn’t happen soon, I would probably die an early death. The desire to experience life was within me, along with the desire to be happy and to love myself; which is something I never learned how to do. The desire to love someone else was also within me, but I knew that I had to learn to love myself first.
The “Move It and Lose It Buddy Challenge” started on April 6, 2013. We met on Saturday mornings at a park in Winston-Salem, NC. My first thought upon meeting April? “What in the world has Caroline gotten me into?” April is tough and she pushes us beyond our comfort zone. The bottom line is she loves us all and wants us to live a life of health and wellness. Her trademark is “Want Different Do Different™.” What she professes is that, “If you want something different in life, you have to do something different. Your way hasn't worked…so try someone else’s way.” I returned to our weekly workouts week after week. During the 3rd week, April asked us to give up one thing. The thing I decided to give up was ALL soft drinks. You see, I was a Diet Dr. Pepper junkie. I learned that the artificial sweeteners in diet soda can actually cause you to gain weight and cause other health related problems. So, I cut it cold turkey, not realizing that I would experience some intense withdrawals; I ended up with a 2-day migraine. After getting over the withdrawals, it was smooth sailing. This proved that making changes in my everyday life SHOULDN'T be too difficult (the key phrase here is “it SHOULDN'T be too difficult”). Little did I know, these changes weren't going to be easy, but I had to try to save my life.
At some point, April had convinced me that I should and could complete a beginner triathlon. You see, April believed in me from Day 1. She loved me when I wasn't capable of loving myself. I knew that I could do the swimming portion of the triathlon because I have always been a strong swimmer. I questioned my ability for the bike because of a HUGE hill on the bike course. I also questioned my ability on the run because I had never been a runner. We started training for the Ramblin’ Rose in mid-June (2013). Our first Ramblin’ Rose training session was on the bike course. That was one of the most difficult days in the 8 week training session. It was mostly difficult because of the hill on Salem Ave. I had heard a lot of talk about that hill. My first thought once I had gotten to the top was, “That is NOT a beginner hill. I have to do that TWICE?” Each week, I got stronger and stronger. Each week, I would make it further up that hill without having to get off of the bike and push. The first week, I made it half way…about 4 weeks in, I made it three quarters of the way…by the time we got to the week before the race, I was able to ride up that hill without getting off the bike.
About two weeks before the race, I was on the bike course on our weekly bike training. As I was heading back to the YWCA parking lot, I had turned around to see if my friend and fellow warrior was still behind me. When I turned around, I mistakenly turned the front bike wheel and crashed into the curb flew off of the bike and into a bush (if there was ever a doubt in anybody’s mind that a helmet is required, that moment confirmed that helmets are important). When my front tire hit the curb, the tire busted. As I heard the air quickly escape from the tire, I thought to myself, “Oh crap! What am I going to do now? It’s just me and Diana out here. Everybody else is back at the Y.” Diana came riding up to me to make sure I was OK. She then went to get help. As I was sitting there on the side of Cemetery Street in downtown Winston-Salem, an emotion came over me that I cannot explain and I started to cry. I started thinking that maybe I shouldn't be doing this triathlon. Maybe I’m not ready for this. Then I shut those voices down and got up off the ground and started pushing my bike towards the Y. As I started walking down Salem Avenue, I saw a car in the distance…it was a fellow warrior coming to my rescue. When we got back to the Y, I was given the nickname CRASH!
Being part of Want Different Do Different™ has taught me how to respond differently to things that happen to me; not only in training, but also in everyday life. I have learned to turn “I can’t” into “I can.” I have also learned that the way we respond to life and life’s situations is reflective of who we are as a person. I could have very easily quit when things got tough (emotionally and physically), but what message would that send to others? I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this and anything else I desire.
Race day arrived and I was so nervous. April gave our entire team a pep talk. As I was about to get into the pool (I was given strict instructions that I had to seed myself ahead of the other team members because I was a stronger swimmer), April came up to me and told me that she loved me and that she wanted me to get into the water and swim like the fish that I am. That is exactly what I did. As soon as I hit the water, it was as if all the nervousness washed away. I swam 225 yards, biked 8 miles, and ran 2 miles. As I was about to cross the finish line, I saw my dear friend, Katy, my cousin, Amanda, my friend, Robin, and my parents. That is when the emotions kicked in. I did it! I was a triathlete. My friends and family were there to celebrate with me. Completing my first triathlon was the building block that helped me to begin believing in myself. I slowly started changing my eating, and the weight continued to drop.
In the fall of 2013, I decided to train for my first 5K (3.1 miles). I started having issues with plantar fasciitis while training. This had nothing to do with anything other than my weight. Two weeks before the event, I was ordered by my doctor and my coach to REST (no running or walking). The day of the race arrived and I felt awesome. I ran the 5K and immediately after, I could tell that my foot was not happy. I tried to doctor it myself – Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation (RICE), but the pain got worse. So, my doctor ordered 8 weeks of physical therapy. That was the hardest 8 weeks because I couldn't run, walk, or stand. My workouts consisted of upper body exercises. This was difficult for me because lack of patience is one of my weaknesses. I had to learn to trust the healing process and trust that my trainer and coach knew what she was doing. I was able to run again in April 2014. Little did I realize I had to start all over and retrain. It was as if I had never run a day in my life; like someone had hit the reset button. After training all summer, I completed my second triathlon and another 5K in August 2014. I wasn't back to 100% yet, I knew I had to take things slow, listen to my body and my coach.
At this point in my journey, I had lost 75 pounds. My self-confidence was getting stronger and stronger. In September 2014, I began training for my first half marathon. I learned so much about myself while training for this event. While I was training and our miles increased, I learned how strong I really am. When I first started running, I couldn't even run a mile. But I was now running 5…6…7…8…9…10…miles and on December 6, 2014 I ran 13.1 miles with my coach. It was an amazing experience! The biggest lesson that I learned that day was that I am responsible for where I go from here...nobody else…not my mom, dad, brother, friends, students, co-workers, fellow warriors, or my coach. I am responsible!
To date, I have lost 90 pounds, but I have gained so much more. My self-confidence has increased and I have met a remarkable group of women that support me (AH WARRIORS). I have learned to establish boundaries. It is no longer acceptable for others to live rent-free in my head. I do not allow others to bully, belittle, talk down to, or make me feel “less than.” I now stand up for myself. For the first time in my life I am happy, I feel incredible and I believe that I am worth the time, money, and energy spent to bring out the amazing woman and WARRIOR that I am becoming.
In January 2015 I found out that I have been selected to be one of the Go Red Women for the American Heart Association for Forsyth County. I have not suffered any heart related diseases, but this journey is all about prevention for me. I was at risk for heart disease because of my weight and my lifestyle. I also have a history of heart disease in my family…along with diabetes. There will be opportunities for me to share my story with my community through special appearances, TV interviews, speaking engagements, etc. I have been looking for a way to share my story and inspire others to take back their life and do different and here it is. I am very excited for this opportunity and I can’t wait to share the experience.
I am looking forward to sharing my journey with all of you. I invite you to reach out and share your story as well. We are all in this together. I have tried many different things in my life from fad diets (Weight Watchers, Atkins, low carbohydrates, high protein, low fat, and low calorie), pills, gym memberships, personal trainers, etc. Every time that I would try something new, I would be successful for a while and the weight would come off, but I would always revert back to my old ways and all of the weight would come back (and then some). Each time, I would gain the weight back; I would gain more than I lost. Finally, at 36 years old, I realized that the change was going to have to come from within ME. I had to learn to Do Different in all aspects of my life. I could lose all the weight, but if I didn't deal with the crap in my head and things from my past, all the weight would come back. If I can do it, so can you.
Want Different Do Different™ isn't about a trainer, a coach, or an exercise program. April’s movement teaches you about YOU. Are you done feeling inadequate, unimportant, or ignored…are you tired of just going through the motions and tired of just existing? If you want what I have, you have to do what I did to get it. Did it “click” on the first day? Was it easy? NO. There were times when I wanted to quit. There were days that April was extremely tough on me emotionally and physically. She was in my face giving me a reality check and a dose of tough love, and calling me out on ALL of my crap. With the love, support, and tools that April will give you and the love and support of fellow AH Warriors, you can accomplish anything you desire. April has given me the tools needed to Do Different in my life and I have brought out the real me that was hiding inside. This is a me that believes in myself…a me that is proud of the hurdles that I have overcome…a me that has a positive outlook on life…a me that is excited about life and what the future holds. When will you take that first step? Are you ready to take back your life? Are you ready to Do Different? Join me as the journey continues. It’s a WILD but FUN ride!
Race Report
